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depression si back...

Fri Nov 14, 2014, 1:45 PM
it seems worse than before, but i don't even know anymore, i have pretty much given up on all of m classes. i am failing pretty much all of them, i know i am going to lose my scholarship, but i don't even care anymore. my parents yell at me for skipping classes, but to be honest, i don't see the point in even going to them anymore. i know i have fuceked  up, i know i can't possibly fix anything, that its probably better to just completely give up and not even bother going.

my depression has caused me to lose a lot of friens for various reasons, some of those people just don't understand what its like. others just got fed up with my inability to be happy.

i have been having thoughts of suicide nearly constantly all day. i just wish i could find a way to end it quickly and painlessly, but unfortunately my family doesnt own any guns. I've thought a lot about slitting my throat or hanging myself, but the only thing preventing me from doing either is the fear that i will fuck it up and end up living somehow.

to be perfect honest, i don't even know why i am writing this out. its not like anyone wo read this could help me. people have tried helping me in the pas,t but it never works. i guess i am just trying to vent a bit, maybe leave an explanation as to why i may have killed myself. 

i may try to make one last painting, but I'm not sure if i will get the time. i also need to buy another canvas if i want to make that last painting, but i don't know if i will be able to get the money.

bye for now i guess


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25 deviants said + 1


Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art

I am interested in many types of art. Literature is one of my favorites. Specifically books and short stories. I paint a lot as well. I enjoy the pointillism style of painting similar to Georges Seurat.

I make my abstract style paintings using an app on my iPad called Art Set which is $0.99 on the iOS App Store (not a paid advertisement, I just love the app so much)

All of my abstract paintings are original. I came up with the styles myself, not really influence by any abstract artist at all. Just try new things now and then, seeing what I like and what I don't like.


Abstract painting
Abstract painting 533 by vansc14
Abstract painting 527 by vansc14
Abstract painting 509 by vansc14
Abstract painting 500 by vansc14
Abstract painting 498 by vansc14
Abstract painting 526 by vansc14
500 points get you 1 digital abstract painting from me.

All profits go towards me buying a plane ticket to go see my girlfriend

Abstract painting (20 point special)
20 points gets you one abstract painting from me.

All profits go towards me buying a plane ticket to go see my girlfriend


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Juanilla Featured By Owner 1 day ago
SplatterTheKitty Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey um, I was curious on why to commented on my brother's account claiming he is this 'Emalee' person or whoever her name is(He hid the messages).

His account is inactive and no longer uses it. 
I'm just curious.
vansc14 Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
its this girl from wales who i used to date, but some bad shit happened and she kinda hates me, and his account looked almost exactly like what she would post, the whole warriors stuff and a bunch of other things. i have had a lot of bad things happen to me with cyber bullies, so i am a bit paranoid, and i block anyone who i think might be a cyber bully, or one of the ones i blocked and might have made a new account. it wasn't anything personal, and i am sure he is a nice guy, just i thought he was one of the bullies trying to hurt me by making a fake account.
SplatterTheKitty Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
He'd never bully anyone no matter how much he hates them.
Though he is rather upset and if you see a message on there about you,
don't take it personal. He doesn't want a fight to happen or anything.
He is simply upset and expresses it in the wrong ways at times.

He was previously known as HiddenBlu and Kasi-Shadowfall.
Those are the only accounts he has ever used.

Though I think it would be better to look into the accounts a bit more
and ask a few questions before blocking them because that can upset people.

Asking questions here won't hurt since no one can physically harm you on the internet.

Friendly advice c:
vansc14 Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's fine, your brother is okay, I just thought he was a different person. 

I will ill unblock him, and try to be his friend to try to make up for it.

i blocked him immediately because I didn't want to get hurt by them, if they really were the person trying to hurt me.

thank you for being relatively calm about this. 

If you want, we can be friends as well.
(1 Reply)
wintersoul2468 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the llama :D
RMS-OLYMPIC Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

Thank you so much for the watch, and, I love your new video widget!! It's so cool!!
vansc14 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks, I hope everyone from iceland burns in hell (don't ask why or question it, just accept it and move on)
LordMuffinX3 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hey vansc, if ya don't mind may I do a request? Could you maybe try doing paintings based off of songs? I'd actually pay for two paintings if you'd base them off of two songs I love <3
vansc14 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Errr.. It's vansc14, the 14 is intentionally there (this is a pet peeve of mine)

but sure, I'd love to try painting a song. How much are You willing to pay?
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