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vansc14

Proud Genderfluid Enby
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Been a while since I last updated this place. Last thing I told y’all was that I was genderfluid and had applied for GRS.


I had the surgery a week ago on Monday. It went well and I’m healing really well. It already looks amazing and I’m so happy. Recovery is going to be tons of work however.

I finally feel happy and at home in my own body.

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Well, first off I don't even know why I'm updating y'all, I don't think anyone even checks my profile out anymore.

Big news, I am at over a year on estrogen and other hormone therapy. Its been one year, two months and 11 days to be exact.

Another big thing is I recently came out as Genderfluid. For those of you who may not know, it means my gender identity can change and shift between a variety of different genders, from masculine, to feminine, to androgynous, to things that aren't really on the gender spectrum. It was super confusing because I often felt female, but then there were some days where I didn't feel feminine, I felt different. It was so very very confusing but with the help of some friends I figured it out.

Other big news, probably the biggest, I am getting my Gender Reassignment Surgery, aka Sex Change or whatever. I don't have an exact date, but it should happen sometime in December of this year, maybe a little later like in January or February.

I also discovered that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Split/Multiple Personality Disorder. Some of you who may have known me back when I was super active here might not be surprised by this at all. I have at last count, 23 different personalities. I got help from a few therapists to figure everything out. It is a huge reason why I/we identify as genderfluid, pretty much all of my personalities have different genders. However calling them "personalities" seems to not accurate describe what they are. For me at least, they are like individual people who just happen to share the same brain as me. We can talk to each other, but using that word loosely as we don't ever actually hear each other, it's more like intrusive thoughts that don't belong to me, but not like schizophrenia. The original person you all knew, Vansc14, he/she is gone. She was going as Sophie in the last several years, but stuff has happened and she doesn't want to come out and "front" anymore. However she is still around in some ways, we can talk to her but she prefers to be left alone. I won't go into too much detail, as there is a ton, but feel free to ask us questions. Just refer to each of our "headmates" as different people, separate from the others. 
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Life updates...

2 min read
Moved out of BFF's appartment due to a variety of reasons, the biggest of which was the stress of life was like way too much and we kept fighting over like pointless things.

Now back living with my grandma, and as some of you may know, that is a whole other bag of worms. Its like 4 days in and we are already fighting. I just wanna be myself and be left alone. But apparently me being transgender is too much for the 80 year olds who live in the condo and my grandma doesnt want me going out in public wearing feminine clothes because it might cause them to gossip. Like I shouldn't have to live my life afriad of what other people will say about me, let alone what they will say about other people about me. Like fuck right off. She has no clue how difficult it was for me to gain the amount of courage to start wearing those clothes in public, and it feels so god damn freeing. I am not going to shove myself back into the closet for the sake of a bunch of grumpy old pricks who wont live longer than 5 more years.

Due to a series of fuck ups, I will not be getting my hormones earlier than middle of May. But I cannot wait. I am SOOOOOO excited to finally start them.

I find it interesting how like a year ago when I knew I was trans, I was just like "I am a butch lesbian in a mans body. No interest in feminine clothes at all" and now im like all girlie and in love with cute dresses and bright pink pants and wearing perfume all the time.
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Between classes, studying, homework, and actual work, I don't have a ton of free time.

Still haven't gotten to see a doctor about starting hormones yet. I hope my appointment isn't too far away. Every time I phone the Klinic no one ever picks up.

whats new with all of you?
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Long story, gonna try to keep this short.

mom had been doing a lot of little things to show disproval of me being trans. She claims she's struggling with it or something. The whole new name making her want to puke, getting angry at me when I used nair to remove my body hair, lots of other things. She always tried to hide it by making the fight about something else. 

With the name, she made it about this broken laptop that I fixed up and redid the OS, and named it Sophie's laptop.

with the body hair, she made it about taking an hour long shower, despite me not actually being in the shower for more than 20 mins total. I had to let the nair work for 13 mins before I could shower it off. I have a lot of body hair, and it's thick, so I had to re apply it a few times to each body part. She then threw a fit and tried to throw my nair out, but my brother grabbed it for me.

then what finally made me blow up is when I got my ears pierced. I made myself, my friend, and my little brother food. I used cheap rice noodles that we had left over from the summer, as well as some chicken breast. When she got home and saw the earrings, and then the pot, she immediately started bitching me out for "making food for the whole neighborhood" and then grabbed the pot and tried to throw it outside.

i was starving hungry. I had spent 3 hours waiting for the chicken to defrost, and I hadn't eaten anything all day. I was starving. When she tried to throw it out, I just lost my shit and called her out. Did some shit that was over the line that I'm not going to get into detail about. 

Got kicked out over it.

currently living with my best friend in his apartment. He had been begging me to move in with him for months, but I wanted to finish college before I moved out of my moms house. But after this, I'm not ever going back to that hellhouse that is my mom's house.

rigt now I don't have internet access at the apartment, and am way too broke to afford it. Thankfully my bets friend is not charging me rent for the first two months. So I have a bit to save up. 

I just ust hope I have enough money to pay for my hormone replacement therapy. The sooner I get started on them the better. Cause once I start them, I basically have to go through a second puberty that last for like 2-3 years. Which includes all the wonders and joys of my first puberty, mood swings and all. The only thing that's different (aside from the obvious feminine differences), is that I'll be an adult with responsibilities. I can't just have a meltdown and shit at work. So I'm worried about that. 

But going through all that is more than worth feeling comfortable in my own skin. Being able to look in the mirror and see how I feel inside will be amazing. I can't wait to grow boobs so I can properly fit into women's clothing.
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Featured

It's been a very long time with lots of changes... by vansc14, journal

Life updates... by vansc14, journal

Updating journal... by vansc14, journal

Got into fight with mom, got kicked out... by vansc14, journal

Apparently my new name makes my mom want to puke.. by vansc14, journal